Kids Monologue of the Month

Tips for preparing a monologue:

Imagine the person you're speaking to. If you're supposed to be speaking to the audience, imagine who they are--friends? enemies? the doorman?
Imagine where you are and the things that are around you.

Create a set by using real objects that are handy--chairs, benches, fake tree, etc.
You can use real objects for props, too--book, wallet, football, etc.
Be expressive--get mad or happy or sad or just have some attitude as you perform your monologue.
Movement & Gestures--use them. Don't just stand still while doing a monologue.

If there are stage directions—in parenthesis—in the monologue below, use them or come up with your own. They're just suggestions. If a monologue has ellipses (three dots in a row), act as if you’re listening to someone else responding or speaking to you. But those ellipses might also just mean there's a slight pause. Read through the monologue and see if you're listening to someone or just pausing for effect.
Break a leg! (That's theater talk for "good luck." It's bad luck to say "good luck" in the theater so you say "Break a leg!")

Here are two monologues for (late) May and June:

Guilty as Charged but With Excuse

(Note: the words in brackets are just a pronunciation guide of the word arachnophobia; the word itself is said in sections as shown.)
Mrs. Tinder, I am guilty but with excuse. You see, I have a spider phobia, arach [a-rack] - no - pho [foe] - bi [be] - a [uh]. When I saw the victim in question about to crawl on my shoe, I freaked and stomped on it. I killed the poor tiny thing and I’m filled with remorse. I cried and sobbed as I wiped it off the bottom of my shoe in the grass. After reading Charlotte’s Web, I thought I had been cured. I thought spiders would interest me, that I would enjoy the specialness of spiders. But then there’s reality. Eight eyes - Ew! Eight legs - Ew! Venom - EW! Blood suckers! Now that’s cool but - Monsters, I tell you! I only hope that I will never accidentally step into the beam of a shrink ray or that a spider steps into the beam of an enlarge ray! (pointing at something on the floor) Is that spot moving?! RUN! (exits)

I Don't Get It

I had to study volcanoes. I studied about how they’re formed, how magma – which is basically melted rock – has a chamber under the earth’s crust and pushes and pushes so it builds a mountain. Then there’s so much pressure built up, the mountain – actually called a volcano – finally bursts like a balloon. Have you ever seen a balloon burst?! Pieces of the balloon land everywhere. Have you ever had a rock thrown at you and it hits? My little brother got mad and threw as many pebbles as he could at me. I was lucky because he’s not that strong yet but lots of pebbles hit me and it stung. Remember that balloon that burst and pieces flew everywhere? Now imagine that’s a big mountain – because that’s what a volcano is – and it bursts just like that balloon. Remember those little pebbles that sting? So this mountain has burst and it’s throwing boulders at you. BOULDERS. And while it’s at it, it slings some hot ash on you, just like ash from a campfire floating over to where you’re calmly sitting enjoying the evening. Only the volcano has spewed out everybody’s campfire ashes at you. This is not good. This is bad! So why do we humans live so darn close to so many volcanoes all over the world? Just for a photo op?! I don’t get it and I’m going to have a little heart to heart with Dad about how we must move to the plains where there are no mountains.